It's 2 days before Christmas. My son is slamming around, screaming and yelling at me. He is slamming the wooden tables down onto the floor and threatening to crush glass Christmas balls in his hands so he will bleed. So I bet you want to know what everyone ALWAYS asks when he has these tantrums "what brought this on?!" Well, let me tell you. This teenage boy is begging to open his Christmas present early and I told him "No!"
I wish I was cold hearted and could take every one of his presents back to the store or donate them to someone else. Then part of me says that he cannot help some of the stuff he does. AHH! How am I to feel? He mocks me and makes fun of me, he scares me, he threatens me and the animals. He will not leave me alone and let me be at peace.... but then I wonder how much he can help... and no one wants to punish someone for what they cannot help.... but he cannot get away with all he does either. See my dilemma? Maybe a little?
Yesterday I had heart palpitations all day long. I know this stress is really bad and I already have other health issues going on. He is really toxic for the family...everyone is affected. Relationships are affected, others get less attention, there is no sense of peace. Home is not my sanctuary anymore. I wish I could run away!
He is screaming at me... "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!" My head aches. My heart pounds. I want to cry. I want to leave.
"Can I open a present, it will make me feel better!!"
"No!"
More screaming, snot being wiped on my couch, taking ornaments off the tree....
more crying....
"I am not HAPPY!" crying follows....crying doesn't stop
More Snot.
Santa take me with you!! I need a friggin break!!
Monday, December 23, 2013
Saturday, December 21, 2013
12/21/2013
Not much has changed my way. Found my son a counselor she suggested a new Dr. so I guess I will try him..I hate changing again though. This counselor looked through his file and was like WOW this is some serious stuff and they have given him several dx. I was like really? Apparently they have him as Bipolar, Having Psychosis (I think she said), anxiety & sleep problems.... She was like "this is some serious stuff going on!!" I was feeling like "YEAHH I have been trying to tell you all this!" So it seems like she takes it all very seriously and can help. She thinks he will probably need a medication change and maybe some inpatient care.
I am not looking forward to this long Christmas break with him home but hey, he skips school 90% of the time anyway and I have to meet with the school after break about truancy. He has been so rude to me lately.... Like I talk and he tells me to shut up and he always says "Just joking" and when I get mad he's like "look at you playing the victim when someone is just joking!" AHHHH! so maddening. Yesterday I needed a break....he was home for 5 days straight, skipped school and I was going nuts. He said if we did not take him with us he would kill my animals while I was gone. I bawled all the way to town....like ugly cried and sobbed! Some days it's just too much to handle!
Hope all goes smoothly for Christmas!
Merry Christmas.... Happy Holidays to you all!!
I am not looking forward to this long Christmas break with him home but hey, he skips school 90% of the time anyway and I have to meet with the school after break about truancy. He has been so rude to me lately.... Like I talk and he tells me to shut up and he always says "Just joking" and when I get mad he's like "look at you playing the victim when someone is just joking!" AHHHH! so maddening. Yesterday I needed a break....he was home for 5 days straight, skipped school and I was going nuts. He said if we did not take him with us he would kill my animals while I was gone. I bawled all the way to town....like ugly cried and sobbed! Some days it's just too much to handle!
Hope all goes smoothly for Christmas!
Merry Christmas.... Happy Holidays to you all!!
Friday, December 13, 2013
call someone else
So after a horrible night the other night I called the local mental health agency and told them I needed help ASAP!
My son had threatened to kill my dog, threatened to burn down the house and screamed and terrorized everyone on the house. I had just had enough. So I called and let them know what was happening and they aid they would call me back within an hour. About 4 hours later someone finally called and told me to call another person in their system, which by then it was too late to do until the next day. So first thing the next day I call the recommended number and left a detailed message, waited all day for someone to call me back and nothing.
This is the story of my life.... Call someone else! Let someone else deal with it! We can't help you!
I am told if my son keeps skipping school I will be in legal trouble. I try everything I can to force him to go to school. I have tried to force him into the car and he literally jumped out of the car when we started going, so we no longer try that method. I called the school, nothing they can do to force him to go. Last week I called the police and explained my situation. Again, "someone will call you right back." After some time someone called me back and told me they cannot come and get my son and force him to go to school. Okay so YOU cannot force him to go to school but you expect me to be able to and if I cannot I get fined? okay. awesome.
I am so tired of "Call someone else" and "I can't help you." I try nearly every day to find help. I am at my wits end as to where to find immediate assistance....
My son had threatened to kill my dog, threatened to burn down the house and screamed and terrorized everyone on the house. I had just had enough. So I called and let them know what was happening and they aid they would call me back within an hour. About 4 hours later someone finally called and told me to call another person in their system, which by then it was too late to do until the next day. So first thing the next day I call the recommended number and left a detailed message, waited all day for someone to call me back and nothing.
This is the story of my life.... Call someone else! Let someone else deal with it! We can't help you!
I am told if my son keeps skipping school I will be in legal trouble. I try everything I can to force him to go to school. I have tried to force him into the car and he literally jumped out of the car when we started going, so we no longer try that method. I called the school, nothing they can do to force him to go. Last week I called the police and explained my situation. Again, "someone will call you right back." After some time someone called me back and told me they cannot come and get my son and force him to go to school. Okay so YOU cannot force him to go to school but you expect me to be able to and if I cannot I get fined? okay. awesome.
I am so tired of "Call someone else" and "I can't help you." I try nearly every day to find help. I am at my wits end as to where to find immediate assistance....
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
On being a parent of a difficult child
When you see a teen on the news who has done some horrific crime, the idea that the parents should have "done something" always seems to come up. Why didn't they get the child some help? Surely they noticed some abnormal behavior!
My son is a difficult teen. I feel like we walk on egg shells to keep him from "going off." When he does have a fit, which is just about everyday and sometimes multiple times a day, life is hell. He screams, he threatens to kill people, he threatens to snap the animals necks, he threatens to burn the house down, he throws stuff at people and at walls, he trashes the house and makes holes in the walls, he mocks me and insults me, he terrorizes his sister, he scares the animals and they hide, he destroys meaningful things and he tries to hurt himself. He has had to go to the ER after trying to hurt himself more than once.
I have called the police. I have called counselors. I have taken him to the doctor, psychiatrist and counselor. I have called the school counselor. I have called help/crisis lines. I have had him Baker-acted at least 5 times. No answers. No real solutions. I am not going to say no one has tried to help, they have, but there is just really limited resources for dealing with issues like this.
I have tried to get him into residential care before he hurts himself or someone else. It's a very long process and I am STILL waiting for someone to get it started. The local counseling agency had changed case managers, psychiatrists and counselors and somehow we fall through the cracks.
I have considered foster care.... and I read all these nasty opinions of people online saying how horrible parents who consider giving up their own children are. That they are bad parents and can't handle their own responsibility.
I read opinions of friends who say that out of control children is a result of not spanking and that parents who do not spank are creating monsters for society to deal with. Others claim spanking children is creating violent adults. Spank? Don't Spank? It's lack of religion! It's too strict of religion! It's the parents fault! It's society's fault! It's movies! It's music! AHHH! Shut up already!!!
It's not about who to blame. It's about finding this "Help" that is magically going to step in and make everything better... but it never comes.
Can you imagine grabbing your other child or children, grabbing pets and scurrying into a room, locking the door and hiding from your out of control teen. He's talking through his teeth at you, spewing venom. He's laughing at your tears and mocking "Oh are you playing victim today?" "Booo hooo hooo" He's threatening to hurt you and your pets, throwing things at the door that he constantly BAMS on. BAM! BAM! BAM! "LET ME IN!!" He threatens to drink bleach, he takes your prescribed medication runs off with it. From inside the room you try to call for help and boom the powers goes out. He has shut off the power so you can't call for help. He runs outside, you lock him out and try to call for help, he breaks in the door! He holds a metal bat in his hands. You find and old cell phone and call 911....
The police come and have him Baker-Acted. For 2-3 days you have peace while they watch him in a psych hospital. He chills with others teens, watching TV and making art projects. 3 days later you have to explain to your other child(ren) that he is coming back home.... and no, nothing has changed. Nothing was done. And yes, chances are this will happen again very soon....
Because really there doesn't seem to be any help out there.....
Before you judge parents who live through the daily hell of having a very difficult child, take a second to put yourself in their shoes. Of course they love their child and want the best for them. I miss my sweet little toddler I used to know. It's heartbreaking. It's stressful. It's hell to have someone you love so much hurt you so bad and feel completely helpless. It's alienating and scary. It's constant and suffocating. It's walking on egg shells and it's embarrassing. It's so very lonely.....
My son is a difficult teen. I feel like we walk on egg shells to keep him from "going off." When he does have a fit, which is just about everyday and sometimes multiple times a day, life is hell. He screams, he threatens to kill people, he threatens to snap the animals necks, he threatens to burn the house down, he throws stuff at people and at walls, he trashes the house and makes holes in the walls, he mocks me and insults me, he terrorizes his sister, he scares the animals and they hide, he destroys meaningful things and he tries to hurt himself. He has had to go to the ER after trying to hurt himself more than once.
I have called the police. I have called counselors. I have taken him to the doctor, psychiatrist and counselor. I have called the school counselor. I have called help/crisis lines. I have had him Baker-acted at least 5 times. No answers. No real solutions. I am not going to say no one has tried to help, they have, but there is just really limited resources for dealing with issues like this.
I have tried to get him into residential care before he hurts himself or someone else. It's a very long process and I am STILL waiting for someone to get it started. The local counseling agency had changed case managers, psychiatrists and counselors and somehow we fall through the cracks.
I have considered foster care.... and I read all these nasty opinions of people online saying how horrible parents who consider giving up their own children are. That they are bad parents and can't handle their own responsibility.
I read opinions of friends who say that out of control children is a result of not spanking and that parents who do not spank are creating monsters for society to deal with. Others claim spanking children is creating violent adults. Spank? Don't Spank? It's lack of religion! It's too strict of religion! It's the parents fault! It's society's fault! It's movies! It's music! AHHH! Shut up already!!!
It's not about who to blame. It's about finding this "Help" that is magically going to step in and make everything better... but it never comes.
Can you imagine grabbing your other child or children, grabbing pets and scurrying into a room, locking the door and hiding from your out of control teen. He's talking through his teeth at you, spewing venom. He's laughing at your tears and mocking "Oh are you playing victim today?" "Booo hooo hooo" He's threatening to hurt you and your pets, throwing things at the door that he constantly BAMS on. BAM! BAM! BAM! "LET ME IN!!" He threatens to drink bleach, he takes your prescribed medication runs off with it. From inside the room you try to call for help and boom the powers goes out. He has shut off the power so you can't call for help. He runs outside, you lock him out and try to call for help, he breaks in the door! He holds a metal bat in his hands. You find and old cell phone and call 911....
The police come and have him Baker-Acted. For 2-3 days you have peace while they watch him in a psych hospital. He chills with others teens, watching TV and making art projects. 3 days later you have to explain to your other child(ren) that he is coming back home.... and no, nothing has changed. Nothing was done. And yes, chances are this will happen again very soon....
Because really there doesn't seem to be any help out there.....
Before you judge parents who live through the daily hell of having a very difficult child, take a second to put yourself in their shoes. Of course they love their child and want the best for them. I miss my sweet little toddler I used to know. It's heartbreaking. It's stressful. It's hell to have someone you love so much hurt you so bad and feel completely helpless. It's alienating and scary. It's constant and suffocating. It's walking on egg shells and it's embarrassing. It's so very lonely.....
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